i dont know that i can say anything that hasnt already been said. but because i am a fan of pain, in true gothic fashion, i will try. as someone who identifies as goth, and an artist, i find it impossible to not relate to josh on some level. josh was a creative, in all ways. he pushed boundaries with food, constantly seeking to create food combos and hacks that had not been seen before. even when he made things based off of recipes or concepts he had heard of, he put his own spin on it. he crafted wands, imbued with his own personal magic. he was a musician, and although his sounds may not have been for everyone, they came from his heart and rang his story into existence.
josh never followed; he forged his own paths. he had oppositional defiance disorder, but i dont think this was the only reason for his stubbornness and desire to always push through and beyond any opposing forces.he was a wizard, casting spells of his own creation. he conjured thunder storms, changed traffic lights, and willed things to be. and though you may not feel that all of these things were true, he knew they were. and thats really all that mattered.
another thing i relate heavily to when it comes to josh is his love for animals. many people would say that he could have never possibly loved animals. i find this to be untrue. "but author! he killed that bird!" josh did what he thought was best. was it correct? no. was it even viably a normal response? no. but he did think he was doing what was best. he didnt want the bird to suffer, and what do you do when something is suffering? you put it out of its misery. josh thought he was doing what was best, he took no glee in it.
josh loved marijuana (stay with me, this isnt going there yet but i have a point.) when he was much younger (teens) he fed his dogs weed nuggets. unfortunately, because josh loved marijuana, he assumed doubly that his beloved pets would enjoy the same effects. twice as unfortunate, when told by his father to not feed his dog weed nuggs, his ODD caused him to rebel. obviously, any logical being would just not do that, but when youre wired to double down, you double down. he wasnt malicious; he just didnt believe any living being couldnt love weed as much as he did. and because this never killed/outwardly harmed his dogs, he applied the same concept to ms green, the bug he lovingly took into his home. unfortunately, cobra was not well versed in toxins and did not understand that nicotine, alcohol, and smoke in general are not good for bugs. because once again, these are things cobra loved. he only ever wanted others to enjoy the things he enjoyed.
cobra cared deeply for those around him. my heart goes out not only to his family, but his chosen family, both deceased and surviving. in his final year, he lost a close friend to suicide, his best buddy walt, and his hero ozzy. he often took in his best friend sasha, a transgender woman, and even filmed videos involving her. and honestly, i would say josh was llikely more respectful of her identity than other wyomingites. (pure speculation, but given she wasnt actively persuing medical transition it isnt likely others were really aware of her identity.) josh may not have always understood everything around him, and he may have often been misinformed, but that was possibly his greatest sin. he was simply not informed. he wasnt willfully ignorant, he wasnt cruel or hateful, he simply didnt always grasp the nuances of individuals and surroundings. joshs heart was enormous, and no matter what he was always doing his best to care for people around him, even if he didnt understand them fully. even his own father, whom he often had strife with, he loved deeply. he knew his dad cared for him, despite his ingrained defiance.
i have a deep respect for clint, and although i wish not to drag him any further into the realm of the internet, i do want to thank him for giving josh much grace. clint is not responsible for clints actions, much in the way josh is not responsible for clints actions. clint housed, guided, and otherwise attempted to correct the ever wandering path of his son, in the best ways he knew how. cobra was deeply driven to live life on his own terms, and clint allowed him to do so as well as possible. and for that, i am eternally greatful. he gave josh the space and support to do the things he loved and wished to do, instead of trying to force him into spaces he didnt belong or wish to be in. and many people will call it enabling, or outright poor parenting. but to that i say, if you really loved someone, would you force them to live in ways they despised simply becuase its what you felt was best? really? i have no doubt clint and his extended family loved josh to the best of their abilities, and that josh returned the same energy. even if we as outsiders cant possibly hope to understand their dynamics, they deserved to have their son in their lives far longer than he was.
